The only threat belgians worry about

“The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

— John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person.

Laten we even Philippe Geubels gaan uitlachen

Deze woensdag (29 April 2009) speelt Bert Gabriëls (gekend van zijn nu al legendarisch optreden op #pkz) in TRIX Club Antwerpen voor de laatste keer zijn show Gestorven Onzin. Speciaal aan deze avond is ook dat er opnames zijn voor Canvas Comedy Specials.

Gestorven Onzin is de eerste comedyshow van Bert Gabriëls waarmee hij al enkele jaren in heel Vlaanderen en Nederland rondhangt. Inmiddels zijn de droge maar hilarische stukken over de clini-clown, Malderen, God en Allah, het Antwerps racisme of de Brusselse administratie bij de meeste comedyliefhebbers al genoegzaam bekend. De show wordt nu voor een laatste keer gespeeld en opgenomen voor de Canvas Comedy Specials. Voor wie er nog niet bij was de laatste kans dus om het live mee te maken…

Meer info en tickets bestellen kan op

Oja, de presentatie en opwarming gebeurt door Philippe Geubels, het begint om 21h15 en dat allemaal voor de spotprijs van € 7,00.

(zwaar gepikte tekst van bij Tijs; aldaar is ook te zien welke leuke mensen de Philippe gaan uitlachen; kom gerust mee)